I'm sure that many of you will agree that inspiration comes from everywhere. Truly - it does. For example, the original thought for the scene that has become the short story, 'Second Best', came from watching a cat stalk a bird in our back yard. The cat wasn't much more than a kitten and I knew he wouldn't kill the bird; but the stealth and cunning with which he stalked it was as serious as though he was hunting for his next meal.
Several readers of 'Second Best' suggested that I expand it to contain the actual confrontation between the two boys. A very good suggestion; but one that had me in a bit of a fix. Showing Curtis' emotional state is the key, but having never experienced such a state, how could I capture it convincingly?
Fate stepped in. Literally - in the form of a chance conversation with someone I've known for a while. Well actually, I discovered that I didn't know him at all. This person is trapped in a situation generated by a number of previous bad decisions - all his. I know this because of earlier conversations. Instead of manning up and taking responsibility for his actions, he chooses to find external causes, entities, and people to blame. So naturally, in his mind, it's the government's fault. It's also the fault of everyone else (including me) who thinks that humanity owes a debt to humanity and that 'taking care' is a natural state of being. He has convinced himself that 'taking care' uses resources that are being diverted from him and others like him. I focused in on his face - his expressions and the looks he gave me while he spewed his nonsense. What I saw was that I am already collateral damage in his mind - and it's okay with him. Chilled me to the bone.
Though still in shock, I found my voice and asked him questions, trying to draw out more of his emotional state. I kept engaging him with more questions and suppositions; committing his answers to memory. Why would I want to do that? Wouldn't a sane person have run screaming from the room? I'm not sane. I'm a writer. :) I stayed because in my mind, I was having a conversation with an older, less affluent version of Curtis.
...And now I'm posting about it. I fear no recriminations for several reasons. First, this person would never recognize himself as the person being described here. From his perspective, his viewpoint is rational, reasonable and the only one worth having. Secondly, I doubt very seriously that he spends time reading anything. He gets most of his information second or third hand - from other like minded individuals. Lastly, I've really not revealed anything about him besides his gender. This post is about an inspiration for Curtis; not about exposing someone with whom I disagree.
I feel no antipathy toward him. In fact, I thank him for the conversation. It illuminated a personality type I never thought to experience first hand. I wish him well and hope that he finds the solutions to his problems.
As always, comment if you like. Peace out.
Showing posts with label Essays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Essays. Show all posts
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
The Future of L
My original title for this post was 'Ruminations From the Parent of a TechnoKid'. Awful title - glad I changed it. The 'TechnoKid', or L, is my preteen. She's been asking for Facebook and Twitter since before she was 'double dij'. That's right - double digits. She spent the whole day dancing happily because she had finally reached a double digit birthday. :-)
On a separate note, I (CathrynLouis on Twitter) briefly tweeted with AuthorWilliam, and jbeemills (fellow writers on Twitter) regarding a particular music release - Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill. It was startling to remember that it had been recorded fifteen years ago. Blew our minds. Where did the time go? If that's not shocking enough - fifteen years ago was last century.
What has JLP to do with my TechnoKid? Tweeting about it reminded me of what internet communication was like back then. Yes, I said it - back then. When JLP was recorded, the cool thing in personal computing, was email. Woohoo! Not much later, Internet based email was born. What's the cool thing now? Not just Facebook alone, or Twitter alone; but those and all the other applications that enable online personal expression and communication - the social media cloud.
My TechnoKid (soon to be a TechnoTeen) is a member of Generation 21C (twenty-first century). Her knowledge of rotary telephones, phonographs, cassettes, Sony Beta, and VHS comes from museums, old movies, and the rants of her parents (as in "When I was a kid..."). She is amused that we have home phones, tolerates the CD and DVD players, and wonders why we don't use the wide screen TV as yet another computer monitor. As for email - she has it, but barely uses it for more than managing her social media accounts. Most of her friends have Internet enabled PDAs. They interact in the cloud.
Admittedly, I'm more of a geek than a lot of parents. Even so, my L was late to the party. Since technology is my career, I'm extremely sensitive to privacy issues. I also know how easy it is to unintentionally expose her to potential threats. So I had a dilemma. I could either sequester her, trying to keep her from all harm, or allow her to participate while teaching her to keep herself safe. After much discussion with my better half, we opted for the latter. Our rationale? If we isolate her, she'll go out into the world after high school, loaded with the pent up desire to participate, no knowledge of the danger, and no sense of self preservation. Could there be a worse recipe for disaster?
Decision made, I walked her through creating her Facebook account, explaining the reason for each privacy setting I chose. Within hours of creating the account, her virtual world exploded. She acquired over a hundred and fifty friends! It was eerie to watch. How did it happen? Most of her middle school classmates have accounts. As soon as she friended her closest friends, the news that she 'finally' had an account rippled through and the friend requests keep coming in. She is now connected to virtually all of her classmates.
We created her Twitter account in much the same way. She and her closest friends use it to communicate by DM'ing each other and tweeting in their small circle of protected accounts. Though she is allowed to surf YouTube, I continue to prevent her from having her own account. Even so, some of her friends have accounts and PDAs that can record video, so she is most likely pictured there anyway - and would have been even if we prevented her from participating in any social media. This just illustrates that preventing all exposure is practically impossible for many of us; and underscores how important it is to educate our children about the dangers and show them how to keep themselves safe.
At the mall a few weeks ago, L and a friend were trying to 'hook up' or find each other, and were madly tweeting their whereabouts. Naive, old-school parent that I am, I asked "Why don't you just call her?" L looked appalled. "Mommy you are so-o-o last century. Nobody calls any more. Besides, I don't know her number and she doesn't Skype yet." It struck me at the time that social media has progressed to the point that phone numbers may soon be rendered useless for humans; used only as tools for the technology. L is connected to her peeps and tweeps via the mobile apps for Facebook, Twitter, the online community sites that she is allowed to be a member of and the cell apps that she's been allowed to have. Why would she ever need to make a phone call? Except to old school mom...
Over the years, my L's sizeable social circle can only get larger. The number of friends she will accumulate in high school as two other middle schools worth of students join them, and then later in college is potentially huge - possibly in the thousands of Facebook 'friends' and a smaller but still large number of Twitter tweeps. I'm not even going to try to imagine the friends she can accumulate from her community sites. What if Johnny Doe from middle school shows up when she's in her twenties, having pursued a life of crime? Will she think he's alright just because he's in her social media cloud? I'm trying to teach her the general rules of social etiquette and self preservation that those in my generation learned, and thankfully they still apply to L's virtual world. In the case of Johnny, she has to suspect his sudden appearance until he's proven to be okay - just as if she bumped into him unexpectedly on the street.
Generation 21C'ers expect that one - maybe two - devices cover many of their non-physical leisure activities - reading, listening to music, communicating with friends, watching movies, playing games; and the list goes on. There is no learning curve for them to accept the social media cloud as a digital representation of their publicly expressed experiences; and as another means of associating and interacting with their peers. It gives them freedom of movement; but there is also an increased level of exposure that earlier generations never had to worry about. It's for that reason that I'm hoping that social media communities such as Facebook keep advancing their privacy filters so that L can more accurately duplicate her 'real world' associations and have a better measure of who among her vast social circle she really knows and who she is merely 'linked' to. Having the ability to model 'degrees of communication'; and then set privacy filters based on that model would be just about perfect. It's not an original idea - remember Kevin Bacon and six degrees of separation? A social media application could define a discrete number of communication circles, from innermost to outermost; each with it's own privacy settings. L would be able to keep her connections, and have control over the access that each circle has to her information. I'm sure there are other approaches that would work just as well.
Another thing we're trying to make sure L understands is that in social media, there are - potentially - millions of people either observing, participating in; or in the case of protected accounts, in reach of her conversations. In a matter of seconds, remarks can ignite the social mediasphere and spread through it like wildfire. The upside is that the social media cloud makes it easy for us to connect and find each other. The down side is that the openness potentially attracts cyber criminals as reported by Gizmag. Their article reports that current technology makes it possible for locations to be gleaned from uploaded pictures and videos. It's only a matter of time before vulnerabilities in other public aspects of the cloud are discovered. Though that is true, I believe that learning caution, rather than being overcome by paranoia, is the better solution for our Gen 21C'ers - just as getting an alarm system is a better solution than staying awake every night in fear of a robbery. What are your thoughts on Gen 21C'ers? Please leave your comments. I'd love to see what you think.
On a separate note, I (CathrynLouis on Twitter) briefly tweeted with AuthorWilliam, and jbeemills (fellow writers on Twitter) regarding a particular music release - Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill. It was startling to remember that it had been recorded fifteen years ago. Blew our minds. Where did the time go? If that's not shocking enough - fifteen years ago was last century.
What has JLP to do with my TechnoKid? Tweeting about it reminded me of what internet communication was like back then. Yes, I said it - back then. When JLP was recorded, the cool thing in personal computing, was email. Woohoo! Not much later, Internet based email was born. What's the cool thing now? Not just Facebook alone, or Twitter alone; but those and all the other applications that enable online personal expression and communication - the social media cloud.
My TechnoKid (soon to be a TechnoTeen) is a member of Generation 21C (twenty-first century). Her knowledge of rotary telephones, phonographs, cassettes, Sony Beta, and VHS comes from museums, old movies, and the rants of her parents (as in "When I was a kid..."). She is amused that we have home phones, tolerates the CD and DVD players, and wonders why we don't use the wide screen TV as yet another computer monitor. As for email - she has it, but barely uses it for more than managing her social media accounts. Most of her friends have Internet enabled PDAs. They interact in the cloud.
Admittedly, I'm more of a geek than a lot of parents. Even so, my L was late to the party. Since technology is my career, I'm extremely sensitive to privacy issues. I also know how easy it is to unintentionally expose her to potential threats. So I had a dilemma. I could either sequester her, trying to keep her from all harm, or allow her to participate while teaching her to keep herself safe. After much discussion with my better half, we opted for the latter. Our rationale? If we isolate her, she'll go out into the world after high school, loaded with the pent up desire to participate, no knowledge of the danger, and no sense of self preservation. Could there be a worse recipe for disaster?
Decision made, I walked her through creating her Facebook account, explaining the reason for each privacy setting I chose. Within hours of creating the account, her virtual world exploded. She acquired over a hundred and fifty friends! It was eerie to watch. How did it happen? Most of her middle school classmates have accounts. As soon as she friended her closest friends, the news that she 'finally' had an account rippled through and the friend requests keep coming in. She is now connected to virtually all of her classmates.
We created her Twitter account in much the same way. She and her closest friends use it to communicate by DM'ing each other and tweeting in their small circle of protected accounts. Though she is allowed to surf YouTube, I continue to prevent her from having her own account. Even so, some of her friends have accounts and PDAs that can record video, so she is most likely pictured there anyway - and would have been even if we prevented her from participating in any social media. This just illustrates that preventing all exposure is practically impossible for many of us; and underscores how important it is to educate our children about the dangers and show them how to keep themselves safe.
At the mall a few weeks ago, L and a friend were trying to 'hook up' or find each other, and were madly tweeting their whereabouts. Naive, old-school parent that I am, I asked "Why don't you just call her?" L looked appalled. "Mommy you are so-o-o last century. Nobody calls any more. Besides, I don't know her number and she doesn't Skype yet." It struck me at the time that social media has progressed to the point that phone numbers may soon be rendered useless for humans; used only as tools for the technology. L is connected to her peeps and tweeps via the mobile apps for Facebook, Twitter, the online community sites that she is allowed to be a member of and the cell apps that she's been allowed to have. Why would she ever need to make a phone call? Except to old school mom...
Over the years, my L's sizeable social circle can only get larger. The number of friends she will accumulate in high school as two other middle schools worth of students join them, and then later in college is potentially huge - possibly in the thousands of Facebook 'friends' and a smaller but still large number of Twitter tweeps. I'm not even going to try to imagine the friends she can accumulate from her community sites. What if Johnny Doe from middle school shows up when she's in her twenties, having pursued a life of crime? Will she think he's alright just because he's in her social media cloud? I'm trying to teach her the general rules of social etiquette and self preservation that those in my generation learned, and thankfully they still apply to L's virtual world. In the case of Johnny, she has to suspect his sudden appearance until he's proven to be okay - just as if she bumped into him unexpectedly on the street.
Generation 21C'ers expect that one - maybe two - devices cover many of their non-physical leisure activities - reading, listening to music, communicating with friends, watching movies, playing games; and the list goes on. There is no learning curve for them to accept the social media cloud as a digital representation of their publicly expressed experiences; and as another means of associating and interacting with their peers. It gives them freedom of movement; but there is also an increased level of exposure that earlier generations never had to worry about. It's for that reason that I'm hoping that social media communities such as Facebook keep advancing their privacy filters so that L can more accurately duplicate her 'real world' associations and have a better measure of who among her vast social circle she really knows and who she is merely 'linked' to. Having the ability to model 'degrees of communication'; and then set privacy filters based on that model would be just about perfect. It's not an original idea - remember Kevin Bacon and six degrees of separation? A social media application could define a discrete number of communication circles, from innermost to outermost; each with it's own privacy settings. L would be able to keep her connections, and have control over the access that each circle has to her information. I'm sure there are other approaches that would work just as well.
Another thing we're trying to make sure L understands is that in social media, there are - potentially - millions of people either observing, participating in; or in the case of protected accounts, in reach of her conversations. In a matter of seconds, remarks can ignite the social mediasphere and spread through it like wildfire. The upside is that the social media cloud makes it easy for us to connect and find each other. The down side is that the openness potentially attracts cyber criminals as reported by Gizmag. Their article reports that current technology makes it possible for locations to be gleaned from uploaded pictures and videos. It's only a matter of time before vulnerabilities in other public aspects of the cloud are discovered. Though that is true, I believe that learning caution, rather than being overcome by paranoia, is the better solution for our Gen 21C'ers - just as getting an alarm system is a better solution than staying awake every night in fear of a robbery. What are your thoughts on Gen 21C'ers? Please leave your comments. I'd love to see what you think.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Singing in the Key of Romantic Suspense
I started out this week looking (or listening?) for my voice. Along the way, I was unexpectedly thrilled to discover where my novel, Sunrise on the Pier, belongs. It may sound odd, but I didn't choose a genre and then set out to write a novel; I wrote a novel and then had to find the genre that best fit it.
The romantic suspense novel description, "Finding love in the midst of resolving an intrigue or mystery" fits it perfectly. As (I'm sure) all romantic suspense novelists do, I tried to intricately weave the love story of the two main characters with the story of the mystery they are trying to solve. Now I know that my unique voice as an author is revealed in the way I composed the story.
Having only written one novel, it seems arrogant to ask. But I'm heading into my second novel and I need to know as much as I can before I get too far along. So, here goes - what makes my stories recognizable as Cathryn Louis novels?
First, I suppose, is the way I use the prologue. Common wisdom says that there shouldn't be a prologue. But I like having it. I use it to introduce the lead male character and the story element that draws the lead female character to him. I like the idea of having a larger than life, unclaimed Alpha male to write toward. I'm hopeful that it's also suspenseful for readers to go into the first chapter thinking 'He's [insert your favorite Alpha male description here]! How does she meet him? The lead male character in my next book apparently agrees - even though I yelled at him. :)
Another trait is that my female characters are all accomplished and successful in their own right. They had been in complete control of their lives before the dangerous event that happens out of nowhere. Just as in real life, it takes everyone some time to realize how dangerous the event is. Meanwhile, the event creates a number of side effects, some of which are escalating towards overt danger. The suspense for the reader is that it isn't clear which side effects are the dangerous ones, or when the protagonists will get the full picture of what the antagonists are doing. By the way, my characters also talk a lot. They enjoy the interplay of dialogue - including internal dialogue. In the multiple plot lines that I develop, every clue about the dangerous side effects is revealed in conversation - not in narrative.
I think the most recognizable element of my voice is my use of multiple points of view. I introduce each plot line into the story by using the voice of the character who drives it. I believe this heightens the suspense for readers as they will see not only the heroine's view of her world, but also the forces coming together for and against her. At each turn of the page, I endeavor to keep the questions "What will she do?" "What can she do?" foremost in readers' minds, without diluting the suspense with the question, "What's going on?". A simple example is that I would make sure readers know that the villain is behind a particular door, so that I can then drive the suspense of will she or will she not open it. This approach prevents me from inadvertently being ambiguous about the significance of the door.
Of course I have challenges with writing this way. But they can be resolved in a couple of editing sessions. For example, the prologue mustn't be 'gimmicky'. It truly must introduce the element that drives the theme of the love story, and establish the 'Alphaness' of the lead male character. Another challenge I have is to insure there aren't too many or unnecessary points of view. Otherwise, I've got too many subplots and run the risk of diluting the story of the lead female character. Sometimes I include minor points of view where they seem to enhance the suspense. When I do that, I have to make sure they are valid.
My biggest challenge? I have to admit that it is finding the balance between dialogue and narrative. I tend to err on the side of too much internal dialogue. I also need to make sure that the characters are doing something interesting while they're thinking. Most of all, the character should be trying to resolve an internal conflict - not thinking exposition.
Common wisdom (there it is again) says it's far too early in my career to attempt this style of writing. But because the stories in my head are multi-faceted, simpler styles don't work for me. I've gotten writer's block trying to force them into a format that isn't natural for them. Though it is by far the more difficult route, I've got to perfect my own voice rather than try to lip-sync to someone else's. Hopefully I'm not tone deaf! :)D
The romantic suspense novel description, "Finding love in the midst of resolving an intrigue or mystery" fits it perfectly. As (I'm sure) all romantic suspense novelists do, I tried to intricately weave the love story of the two main characters with the story of the mystery they are trying to solve. Now I know that my unique voice as an author is revealed in the way I composed the story.
Having only written one novel, it seems arrogant to ask. But I'm heading into my second novel and I need to know as much as I can before I get too far along. So, here goes - what makes my stories recognizable as Cathryn Louis novels?
First, I suppose, is the way I use the prologue. Common wisdom says that there shouldn't be a prologue. But I like having it. I use it to introduce the lead male character and the story element that draws the lead female character to him. I like the idea of having a larger than life, unclaimed Alpha male to write toward. I'm hopeful that it's also suspenseful for readers to go into the first chapter thinking 'He's [insert your favorite Alpha male description here]
Another trait is that my female characters are all accomplished and successful in their own right. They had been in complete control of their lives before the dangerous event that happens out of nowhere. Just as in real life, it takes everyone some time to realize how dangerous the event is. Meanwhile, the event creates a number of side effects, some of which are escalating towards overt danger. The suspense for the reader is that it isn't clear which side effects are the dangerous ones, or when the protagonists will get the full picture of what the antagonists are doing. By the way, my characters also talk a lot. They enjoy the interplay of dialogue - including internal dialogue. In the multiple plot lines that I develop, every clue about the dangerous side effects is revealed in conversation - not in narrative.
I think the most recognizable element of my voice is my use of multiple points of view. I introduce each plot line into the story by using the voice of the character who drives it. I believe this heightens the suspense for readers as they will see not only the heroine's view of her world, but also the forces coming together for and against her. At each turn of the page, I endeavor to keep the questions "What will she do?" "What can she do?" foremost in readers' minds, without diluting the suspense with the question, "What's going on?". A simple example is that I would make sure readers know that the villain is behind a particular door, so that I can then drive the suspense of will she or will she not open it. This approach prevents me from inadvertently being ambiguous about the significance of the door.
Of course I have challenges with writing this way. But they can be resolved in a couple of editing sessions. For example, the prologue mustn't be 'gimmicky'. It truly must introduce the element that drives the theme of the love story, and establish the 'Alphaness' of the lead male character. Another challenge I have is to insure there aren't too many or unnecessary points of view. Otherwise, I've got too many subplots and run the risk of diluting the story of the lead female character. Sometimes I include minor points of view where they seem to enhance the suspense. When I do that, I have to make sure they are valid.
My biggest challenge? I have to admit that it is finding the balance between dialogue and narrative. I tend to err on the side of too much internal dialogue. I also need to make sure that the characters are doing something interesting while they're thinking. Most of all, the character should be trying to resolve an internal conflict - not thinking exposition.
Common wisdom (there it is again) says it's far too early in my career to attempt this style of writing. But because the stories in my head are multi-faceted, simpler styles don't work for me. I've gotten writer's block trying to force them into a format that isn't natural for them. Though it is by far the more difficult route, I've got to perfect my own voice rather than try to lip-sync to someone else's. Hopefully I'm not tone deaf! :)D
Friday, June 4, 2010
The Bayou
I can't write. I finally have to admit that I've hit a barrier. Not writer's block, more like a bottomless depth of feeling; too many sadnesses and not enough words for expressing them. Memorial Day memories, the destruction of the Gulf Coast shoreline, an unexpected passing, betrayals. I find myself lost in a bayou of emotions, each path turning back in on itself rather than leading me out. But it is a bayou and I am a Louisiana girl. Even though there are false paths and those that constantly shift, I should be able to find my way out. Even when it gets messy. Real Louisiana bayous may become just memories of existence thanks to the Botanicus Petrificus (a nod here to JKR - petrificus totalus) that threatens on the horizon. Now I wonder - was it a caveman drilling accident that caused the tar pits?
Since the paths lead me everywhere but out, I may as well examine this emotional environment. How did I get here? I was trying to write a tragedy. I opened my heart up to feeling the pain and grief as I wrote. Unexpectedly, I became very attuned to the tragedies around me - past, present and future. Yes - future. Just think about it - as bad as the Gulf situation is now, the future looks absolutely devastating. Nature took thousands - maybe millions of years to create the intricate tapestries of the Louisiana wetlands. One selfish bureaucrat in a self-serving corporation made a decision that could end it all. The number of prior selfish, self-serving decisions that allowed him to be in that position only took place within the last decade or two (a nod here to Barbara Boxer, Rachel Maddow). It's unconscionable. It's criminal. A fitting punishment? Confiscate their profit every year until the Gulf is at least as it was before the mess they created. Even doing that is not nearly as bad as the punishment they have inflicted on the Gulf and its residents. My imagination is in overdrive trying to think up a punishment as bad as that. Maybe top management should be forced to leave their jobs and try to eke out a living in the environment that they have ruined. Even that won't be as bad as it should be. Louisiana folks are generous and loving; many can't stand to see anyone suffer. They will probably pitch in and help them. don't you know?
Following that path has led me back here, where I started. How about another? Memorial Day. Brings back bittersweet memories of my Dad. He did not die in combat, but he did serve honorably and proudly. My memories of him are as a truly absent-minded professor. He spent decades preparing students for their professions. To my six year old mind, the 'CBI Theater' meant the movies. When I finally got the courage to ask my Dad why he spent the war at the movies, I got a history lesson on that part of WWII - after he'd finished laughing. It took a while - for him to stop laughing, not the lesson. My dad was my rock in a stormy sea. The Rock of Gibraltar. I took all kinds of chances - good ones, stupid ones, ones that I cringe to think about. Not once did I think of falling or failing - all because I had my rock. Now a tsunami is coming in - and I'm rockless. Not even a buoy. Looks like I'd better swim for it - and fast. Or - maybe I should be my own rock. There's an idea. What if I'm not ready? Hell - I'd better be. It's now or never.
Now I'm on one last path, where I must face the unexpected passing of a beloved aunt. The story isn't mine to tell, but there's grief that is mine to feel - deeply.
Now I'm wandering through a mire of minor betrayals - people gone missing; being damned by faint praise. I know that I shouldn't give either of these things the honor of being the last straw. At least having family and friends near helps to lighten the disappointment.
Two days later:
In spite of all, I tried to master the bayou. To learn it's paths and shifts so that I could make my way out. It took me a while to figure out that the way out is up - gotta make myself a rock big enough to be seen from anywhere down here among the moss covered willows. Then I climbed the rock, high into the clouds. Finally! The sun.
Since the paths lead me everywhere but out, I may as well examine this emotional environment. How did I get here? I was trying to write a tragedy. I opened my heart up to feeling the pain and grief as I wrote. Unexpectedly, I became very attuned to the tragedies around me - past, present and future. Yes - future. Just think about it - as bad as the Gulf situation is now, the future looks absolutely devastating. Nature took thousands - maybe millions of years to create the intricate tapestries of the Louisiana wetlands. One selfish bureaucrat in a self-serving corporation made a decision that could end it all. The number of prior selfish, self-serving decisions that allowed him to be in that position only took place within the last decade or two (a nod here to Barbara Boxer, Rachel Maddow). It's unconscionable. It's criminal. A fitting punishment? Confiscate their profit every year until the Gulf is at least as it was before the mess they created. Even doing that is not nearly as bad as the punishment they have inflicted on the Gulf and its residents. My imagination is in overdrive trying to think up a punishment as bad as that. Maybe top management should be forced to leave their jobs and try to eke out a living in the environment that they have ruined. Even that won't be as bad as it should be. Louisiana folks are generous and loving; many can't stand to see anyone suffer. They will probably pitch in and help them. don't you know?
Following that path has led me back here, where I started. How about another? Memorial Day. Brings back bittersweet memories of my Dad. He did not die in combat, but he did serve honorably and proudly. My memories of him are as a truly absent-minded professor. He spent decades preparing students for their professions. To my six year old mind, the 'CBI Theater' meant the movies. When I finally got the courage to ask my Dad why he spent the war at the movies, I got a history lesson on that part of WWII - after he'd finished laughing. It took a while - for him to stop laughing, not the lesson. My dad was my rock in a stormy sea. The Rock of Gibraltar. I took all kinds of chances - good ones, stupid ones, ones that I cringe to think about. Not once did I think of falling or failing - all because I had my rock. Now a tsunami is coming in - and I'm rockless. Not even a buoy. Looks like I'd better swim for it - and fast. Or - maybe I should be my own rock. There's an idea. What if I'm not ready? Hell - I'd better be. It's now or never.
Now I'm on one last path, where I must face the unexpected passing of a beloved aunt. The story isn't mine to tell, but there's grief that is mine to feel - deeply.
Now I'm wandering through a mire of minor betrayals - people gone missing; being damned by faint praise. I know that I shouldn't give either of these things the honor of being the last straw. At least having family and friends near helps to lighten the disappointment.
Two days later:
In spite of all, I tried to master the bayou. To learn it's paths and shifts so that I could make my way out. It took me a while to figure out that the way out is up - gotta make myself a rock big enough to be seen from anywhere down here among the moss covered willows. Then I climbed the rock, high into the clouds. Finally! The sun.
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